Archive for January, 2010

Green Company

January 11th, 2010

Apparently, I’m clocking up too many miles. I can’t help it; I love motoring and I’m the proud owner of a fabulous motor car with a rather stunning registration number. They’re worth looking at, aren’t they?

It’s these green issues getting in the way. We’re trying to reduce the old carbon footprint and the boss has declared a moritorium, something like that, on long-distance, futile journeys. ‘Nothing further than 100 miles, Reg,’ he mumbled over my expenses claim last week.

‘But surely,’ I responded valiantly, ‘surely people who buy one of our exceedingly rare plates expect a bit of service. You don’t expect them to do it themselves do you?’


I felt like a craftsman of antique furniture being told to create a flat pack. ‘But I’ve got this amazing electric screwdriver, I’m an expert, they won’t do it properly. Boss, the plates will fall off if you let them do it themselves.’

‘Sit down, Reg,’ he said, ignoring the no-smoking policy and lighting a fat cigar. ‘People can put the plates on for themselves…or get a local garage to do it for them.’

‘Really? Sounds shabby to me,’ I protested, batting the smoke from my face but smiling in case he spotted my bill for entertaining.

‘We’ve all got to do our bit. Don’t forget Copenhagen,’ he said.

‘What about Snowy?’

It was a last-ditch attempt to maintain my old lifestyle. I’ve always been a Cavalier of the road; not one of these Roundheads of reason.

‘Who the heck is Snowy?’ he asked.

‘The dog, our investor.’

The light dawned on his wise face and his pen moved neatly over the approved box on my ex’s claim.

Other companies have celebrities, well we do too but we find them too boring to mention, but the customer we are most fond of is Snowy. He invests in numbers. How neat is that? And he can’t put on his own number plates – something about claws getting in the way.

So my life on the road is saved. A decent service is maintained and my screwdriver is willing and able.


Reg Chatt