Archive for April, 2010

Not at my desk !

April 28th, 2010

It happens – I can’t always be at my desk.

In this case my absense was rather longer than anticipated due to some ghastly cloud mushrooming out of Iceland. I thought they’d given up that game but the dark evenings of winter have their toll, I suppose.

For all those of you who missed me, don’t think I’ve been swanning around the tropics on some holiday extravaganza. I haven’t.

I’ve been travelling for a very serious purpose as you’ll see. It has come to my attention that there is a source of rather cheap registration numbers somewhere in the world. The high street shops have a similar difficulty with cheap imports from the Far East – cheap toys, cheap clothes, which disintegrate on impact. So why should I be surprised if someone is pumping out shoddy numbers at bargain prices.

So, no surprise then but, naturally, as a purveyor of antique registrations I’m concerned that whoever is flooding my market is paying decent wages. Some of these things are so cheap you can’t help wondering if some poor kid in a back slum is churning them out instead of glueing his eyes to a computer screen like the lucky kids of the developed nations. 

There seems to be no end to these so-called plates. Two weeks in the Caribbean and I am none the wiser as to the source. Still, I have my scouts and expect to get information on this sordid trade very shortly.

It’s just been brought to my attention by the health and safety officer that my comments could be construed as a pop at registrations from Northern Ireland. Apparently my longevity and marital prospects would be endangered by such rash words. Let me just say that some of my best friends have NI plates; I have some for sale myself and very proud of them I am too.

Call me a purist but it’s all these Fs and Ps cluttering up my registration that I can’t stand.

‘Will you shut up Reg. We sell those too.’

‘Do we?’

‘Yep, cheap as chips. Check out the website.’

‘Right.’

By the way, thought it would be a good moment to reveal my bonus this year. I hope you take it in the spirit of openess and generosity with which it was given to me.

                                          £00.00

Yours,

Reg Chatt

Fed Up !

April 7th, 2010

Anyone else feeling a tiny bit of irritation towards the banks? Or is it just me?

If I was as good at screwing on number plates as they are at screwing me I would make a fortune.

All I wanted was my current account to be able to talk to my savings account. In other words when the former was low it could pull from the latter and prevent a nasty over drawn situation.  Apparently, that’s not possible without my personal intervention. You know the rest. Letters from the bank at £25 a shot, statements in red and interest charged. Nice one.

Still, mustn’t witter on about it. Went to a great party the other week in my old stomping ground. Of course, when you meet people you don’t know, conversation inevitably turns to how you earn your crust. I’ve been called many things in my time but one of the things I call myself is Autonumerologist. Try it after a few bevvies. So, I

introduced myself as such and was flattered that people knew my name.

Do you know, people love to chat about numbers? Here are some of my favourite number questions : -

Q) What’s the priciest number you’ve ever sold?

A) I never divulge that one but I have been offered quite a few camels for  A1 RAB.

Q) Any rude numbers in stock?

A) Certainly not. However, the price of B16 DYC has dropped markedly.

Q) Do you have any famous customers?

A) More than I can cope with. Snowy the dog is still my favourite. Not heard of him ? Where have you been?

Q) What do you have on your own car, Reg?

A) Today, my dear public, I am sporting 3 NMB. I don’t have my own number; they’re all for sale and don’t usually stay long enough for me to get attached to them. This was was bought by Centralreg because…well, why not?

Q) Can I transfer a number from my old tractor that’s been languishing in the barn since the last queen died?

A) Now – take that straw bale out of your ears – Noooo, you can’t and if I’m asked that one more time…I’ll…

These question and answer sessions, always make me grateful that I’m not a doctor.

Anyway…good party, great dancing…really, I did, and not much of a hangover.

Yours,

Reg Chatt