It’s a Speeding Shame

March 25th, 2011 by admin Leave a reply »

No one thought it was possible but I am living proof that you can break the speed limit on a NSU moped.

It wasn’t  a lot of fun and I have a couple of wing nuts stuck in an awkward crevice for my trouble but the thing rattled me along the open road at 32 mph and my rash action set the papparazi popping.

OK, so I was quite a sight but I didn’t think all that flash photography was needed. I was rather blinded for a moment as the road was dark ( you didn’t think I’d drive a thing like that in the daylight, did you?) and almost parted company with the machine.

Well, I had thought it was those press guys as I’ve become a bit of a celeb since penning this august column about cherished numbers. Turns out it was a blasted speed camera. No publicity then – just a kind offer of a speed awareness course at my nearest town hall.

You won’t believe this course. Tremendous fun and very fine biscuits but there wasn’t one participant who reached speeds of over 40mph. Well, actually there was one jumped up fellow but I refused to talk to him since he looked so bloody smug. The course tutors – two of them with not a decent registration number between them – let us know that the real speed merchants don’t get offered places on speed awareness courses. There were quite a few elderly ladies participating so I forbore to ask what they do to the flashy fast buggers. I suspected it had something to do with four walls, a locked door and a shared toilet but details were thin out of respect. I don’t often resort to using facts here but the very nice disabled driver I got chatting to looked as though his heart was racing at the mention of penalty points so we were hardly going to mention prison.

It’s a tough world out there and I got the message pretty clear. A life of crime isn’t going to suit me and as for that strange noise every time I sit down. Does anyone know how to remove a set of wing nuts from…?

Yours,

Reg

(Reg will be back to work after the op ! Ed)

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