Archive for November, 2013

Help – I’ve been hacked off…or is it up?

November 22nd, 2013

HACKED ! You see, I thought it meant one was a little fed up or out of sorts. When people told me – “Reg, you’ve been hacked!” it didn’t occur to me to look any further than my rather fragile head.

Between you and me, my fragility is legendary and has nothing to do with the build up to Christmas…or indeed the compulsory heavy drinking that accompanies the festive season.

Fortunately, a kind friend and reader sat me down metaphorically speaking and gave me a harsh talking to.

“We know you’re not fed up, Reg, me old mucker, but some unscrupulous person is using your fine column to sell some very mucky products.”

‘Not those cheap plates!” I cried, seeing fifty shades of grey or was it red, appear before my eyes. “The ones that fall off before the poor customer has got over the first speed bump. Trying to sell that crap on my blog.”

I was outraged. Upset. A mite fragile. I slumped into my rather battered office chair that had seen better days. Dear Reader, I confess, I switched on the answer machine knowing I couldn’t answer the phone. Not that day. Another emotion played with me until I felt like a wrung out piece of laundry. I was angry.

“Not number plates, Reg,” my friend sighed. “A rather different industry has been using you, I’m afraid. One where cherished has an entirely different meaning. Mention your trusted screw driver on one of their web sites and see what happens to you and your number plates.”

I hadn’t cottoned on, sadly. My friend found this immensely funny and couldn’t explain for laughing. Finally, I caught one word amid the tears and derision. It seems that I had been hacked by people selling under-the-counter aids to marital harmony. It’s even possible that I have unwittingly been selling the stuff for quite some time. Viagra.

My fury diminished slowly, I took a deep breath that in time became a sigh of satisfaction.

“I’ve only ever wanted one thing,” I explained. “To make people happy. Not everyone can achieve what you and I can manage on a simple number plate.”

“Reg, you’re a poet,” he said.

More a philosopher, I think. It occurs to me that there haven’t been any complaints about my little blog for a while, you know. Everything happens for a reason.

Yours, with a smile,
Reg Chatt