Archive for December, 2013

Have a good one !

December 31st, 2013

Don’t look back – that’s my advice.

This is particularly true when you’re driving but also when thinking about the year that’s just about to dip from the horizon of the rear view mirror.

Take my own recent experiences on the sales front, for example. I’m only now recovering from the humiliation of inadvertently selling aids to marital bliss (Viagra) on this very blog. You can’t believe the teasing I got at the Central Registrations Christmas party but I held my head high – oops, perhaps that should be chin. It’s so easy to be misunderstood once one is a top-shelf writer. Even strangers have nudged me in the ribs, asked how supplies are going and suggested that I might like to boost sales by offering free samples with every number plate.

In view of all this I have been giving some serious thought to the joy that can be had from a simple number plate. Not only that but a lot of serious and embarrassing health problems can be alleviated from an investment in a cherished number. So, here is my list, compiled from customer feedback, of positive benefits that can be had from motoring enhancement ie: buying a number.

Heart conditions improved – this is attributable to the relief afforded motorists who don’t want anyone to know the age of their car. Numbers are timeless creatures and subtly relieve the angst caused from annual depreciation of a vehicle.

Asthma attacks reduced – once you have a glorious number on your car the need to drive in heavy, stressful traffic is reduced. Simply park your car in a prominent place and enjoy the admiring glances without risking polluted air which can trigger breathing difficulties.

Skin looks ten years younger – one faithful customer told me that her number was better than a face lift, so I think that’s what she meant. Put it this way, a number plate won’t leave you with that startled look caused by being stretched, tucked and nipped.

I had the office to myself and thought to give you more good news but now some sad individual is challenging my claims, asking whether I can prove any of the above. Well, not scientifically. I sell an interesting part for a car’s body and leave the human stuff to doctors. And so now, I am obliged to give you a health warning – one that I know you are not in need of.

Number plates. Don’t swallow them whole. Don’t drive them while under the influence of alcohol and don’t operate heavy machinery while in the middle of buying one. Keep them on your car and don’t leave them in unattended luggage. Oh, yes…and have a cracking New Year.
Cheers,
Reg
(Purveyor of motoring pleasure)